he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
