I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
