I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
