I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
