why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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