you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
