K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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