i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
