I didn't shave. On purpose
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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