it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize