great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
