well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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