I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize