i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
