Got a toothbrush?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
