I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
