Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
