I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
