Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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