my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Randomize
