i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
