I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
