Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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