Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there is glitter all over my balls
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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