I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize