if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
