u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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