I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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