I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
