He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
