if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
