He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
