I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
