I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
