i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
