In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
