I'm really into asian looking animals
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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