my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
