I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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