Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
