i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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