is your mom at the bar?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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