Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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