i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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