I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
