No stitches, just platelets and will power
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
