My hand turned me down
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
