She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
