She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
