i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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