I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
