I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize