There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
