hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
