Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
