No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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