I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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