dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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