Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
