I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
