so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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