she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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