His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
