I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
