dude i'm inner monologue high
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
