She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish you could order shots online.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
