we have officially lost it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
