You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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