I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
