Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
