I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
