she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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