ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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