She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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