Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Enjoy the penises
he just fucked me for my cheese..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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