so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
